Like many people, I struggle to stay connected with people who are not physically in my life. I love my friends from home and elsewhere, but years can go by without talking to them if they are not part of my my immediate life. After high school, with graduating from youth group and switching churches with my family, I began to lose contact with my youth leader, Karen. After starting college, Karen was diagnosed with cancer and going through chemo. I found out when I was added to a prayer group for her. I was saddened to see this, but we had lost touch and I was so caught up in my own life that I only thought of her every once in awhile.
Then in August, during RA training, I saw that she had been moved to hospice and it hit me that even though people can better, Karen clearly was not, at least at this point. It also hit me that I had allowed so much time to pass without reconnecting and letting her know how much she meant to me. I contacted her daughter and made plans to try and go home early during the school year after RA responsibilities slowed down. However, less than a week later, Jesus took Karen home to be with him.
I sat there, in shock after finding out. She no longer was in pain and she was celebrating with Jesus. But she was too young to die. She still had so much to give. But more than that- I was too late. I would never get a chance to tell her what she meant to me. I didn't get to say goodbye. One moment she was there and I was praying for her and the next she was gone and I could never get the time back that I had lost.
I only had a short time with Karen. She and her husband started helping with my youth group after I was already in the senior high. I'm sure it wasn't easy when they first started helping our youth group-most people lead youth group when they first get out of college or are newly married, but Karen and her husband already had grown children. Yet they still chose to give time out of every week, and more when they would took us on mission's trips. Karen had not lived an easy life; it would have been so easy for her to give up and to not follow God. She could have become bitter, but instead she always had a smile and a hug for us each week when we walked in the door. Karen chose to trust God and she persevered through each situation.
To make this time even more brief, shortly after high school I was angry about something silly, but I never told her about it. There was a situation that Karen had said something to me that was not meant to be hurtful, but she did not know the situation or what was actually going on. I was dealing with a lot and her comment felt insensitive and unkind. Since I did not really see her anymore, I never talked to her about it. That moment wasn't what kept me from her; I forgave and forgot long ago-but it aided in leading to my disconnection to her. The situation would not have been hurtful had I not been in such a hard place. And if I had talked to her, we would have had the opportunity to grow even closer.
Now looking back, I see how much I missed out on, but also how much she left behind for me. I see Karen's character. She was a servant. Humble, giving, compassionate, hardworking, and above all she followed in Jesus' footsteps. Her life has recently taught me so much. Although it is painful when I think about the opportunity that I lost, I smile when I think about her perfect life with Jesus. I've realized the importance of not letting opportunities pass me by and taking advantage of each moment. I've seen how allowing a misunderstanding to go unaddressed can hurt relationships and lead to regret. I've also learned from Karen, the kind of person that I want to be and the legacy I want to leave behind. Not a day goes by that I don't think of Karen-I am so blessed to have known her and am so thankful for how her life has touched mine.
You will never be forgotten, I love you Karen.
