I can say from experience, that tighter I have held on to things in my life not only is it painful, but it dimishes my trust in God and often creates a distance between us. Often once I get an idea in my head of what might happen in my future I tend to subconsciously hold on to it for dear life. But the reality is, my ways are NOT God's ways. The things in my life, and the plans that I have may look like they are glorifying to God, but he still may have something different in-store for me.
Honestly, I wasn't always this way. I remember a time before and in YWAM where my future was pretty much a blank slate. I had been accepted to Eastern, but I didn't even know if I was going to college, or staying in Costa Rica, or doing another school with YWAM. I knew I wanted to serve God and someday get married and have children, but I was a completely blank book. I had no idea what my future would look like and I was totally okay with it.
When I came home it was hard because I knew I wanted to stay in Costa Rica, but for some reason God was calling me home. Readjusting was really difficult for me and the reserve culture shock hit me hard. However, after about a month God began to open doors for me leading me towards opportunities, friendships, and places that filled the hole in the my heart. Everything that was happening in my life was following both, my desires and honoring to God. It was practically perfect.
The man who I was dating, at the time, gave me an open heart necklace for Christmas. Open Hearts are a collection by Jane Seymour, where there are two open hearts that are connected without closer on both ends. He shared that it was a reminder about having an open heart about our future and about what God had instore for us. I absolutely loved and wanted to have an open heart. However, I did not really get what that would mean. I like the direction my life was headed and since it was honoring God I never imagined it would change. However, it would be another year or so before I realized that by putting so much stock in my 'God honoring life' that I was not actually honoring Him or is right and ability to take away or give me what I needed or wanted.
A few months later many things in my life changed; relationships, friends, what I thought my future might look like. And unfortunately it was a very painful time for me because I held onto my life through a closed fist. It took over two years for me to heal from how I responded to God's decision to change my life. Having an open heart to what God wants for me is still something I am learning today.
My open heart necklace will always be a special reminder to me that having an open heart allows God to work in my life and helps me to grow closer to him. This concept has become such a major theme in my life that before leaving for college I got the tattoo of a open heart on my left shoulder with the reference Jeremiah 29:11 beside it. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord, "Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future,"
To many people, this verse has a special meaning, but I really do believe that God means that specifically for ME (and you too!). Jeremiah 29:11 not only reminds me that God's hand is working in my life and that he has something marvelous for me, but also that His ways are Higher than my own and even when my life does not go as I think it should God still promises me a hope And a future. When God takes or gives something to me, it is out of his love for me.
Currently there are many unknowns in my life. Unknowns about finishing school, paying loans, finding a job, relationships, and how God will use me. But each day when I wake up I need to remind my self to surrender to God. I recognize that God has a plan instore for me and that He knows what is to come in my life shows me how loved I am. Recognizing that having an open yeart to the future and holding my life openly in my hand helps me to become more dependent on him and walk closer with him each day. I have a long way to go, but I desire to live the life that God has for me and the in the way that he has for me. With an Open Heart.
